Telling Connections

Your Tool Box

My tool box contains a mix of mechanical, woodworking, plumbing, drywall, painting, and computer hardware tools. Some of these I use quite often. Some I use only occasionally. If I keep them on hand and clean, sharpened, and otherwise maintain them then I can use them more effectively and not become as frustrated when I need them.

The tools that a church has in a communications tool box includes the weekly bulletin, church bulletin boards, church literature tables and racks, newsletters - both mailed and online, web site(s), e-mail, blogs, and even direct mail.

Each of these tools has its unique use. Let's reserve that for another posting of this blog. What I would like to explore with you right now is the general use and care of these tools.

How clean are these tools?  How sharp are they?

Literature racks and tables are something that are one of the first places many visitors will look as they wait to be greeted or as they wait for their family members to hang up their coats. Some of the material in these racks or on these tables may need to be "cleaned up", not just neatly arranged. Is it dated?  I have seen some material in some churches that is yellowed from age. Is the church brochure needing to be updated? Is the devotional guide current? Is the issue of the Mainstream the most recent.

How "clean" and "sharp" is the material on the bulletin board? Are there posters of past events? How far past?

Do you have a web site? Has it been updated this week? There is a growing dissatisfaction with web sites that do not have this coming week's events already posted. Keeping a web site up-to-date is more work than designing and posting it in the first place, but keeping it up-to-date is where the real value of having a web site resides.

How sharp is the tool that we refer to as the church newsletter? Does it communicate the present ministry of your church in an inviting way? Is it filled with poems, quotes, large graphics, and other material that send the message, "Does this church know what it is about? Is there anything going on here other than weekly worship?" Newsletters are like some tools that wear down. They need to be sharpened from time to time. Sometimes that means to go from 2 - 5 pages to 1 - 2.

Many churches have found that their church bulletins have come to be more of a worship leader "play-by-play" than they are useful to those who have come to worship. Has this tool of yours come to be like this. Many tools have "buildups" of material as they are used.

From time to time it is good to have a person who has never seen your communication tools to give some feedback about them. Better yet, ask more than one person. Also, ask some persons in your church to give you some feedback. Your primary goal in this is to get some ideas as to how to present these to our Lord as the best tools that we can use.

Our Stories of Faith

I heard an old joke the other day. It goes like this, His life was so boring that when faced with a life and death crisis, he had another's life flash before his eyes.

As I thought about this, I began to wonder if what is behind this is the same as what is behind the fact that few of us intentionally choose to share our own faith stories with others. We are far more likely to talk about those of the "great" witnesses and martyrs of the faith rather then our own experiences. Why?

One reason could be that we have no stories. Another is that we have devalued our stories to the point that we believe we have no story worth others' hearing. A third reason is that we have never learned how to tell our stories. And a fourth is that we are uncomfortable in sharing these experiences for fear of others' reactions.

One truth about us all as to communicating who we are: We cannot not tell our stories. Even in our silence and in what we choose to talk about, we tell others who are listening our lives' stories.

If you have a story of faith to tell, celebrate it. Experience its joy. Let it flash before your eyes. Then you will tell it.

Connecting through Conversation Following the Sermon

Sunday is the first day of the week. Yet, most include it in "the weekend." Pastors know this better than most. When she or he starts preaching it is the final act of a week long drama of preparation. For many, that sermon started months ago with prayerful discernment of a preaching plan for the year. However, for most, aside from an occasional comment following the message / sermon, that's it. When that sermon is finished it is time for continuing to the next.

Is there an opportunity for making connection that is being missed?

Steve Mecham, Sr. Pastor of First Baptist Church of Decatur IL, has connected with people by using a blog for discussion of the sermon and worship. He has intentionally asked for those who were in attendance to respond to his comments on the service and the sermon. His invitation has been accepted and continues the conversation on Sunday afternoons via his blog.

Greg Huguley, Sr. Pastor of Elgin IL First Baptist Church, names his blog "What I Should Have Said..." In his postings he follows up on the sermon, services, and other activities.

Randy Gauger, Sr. Pastor of First Baptist Church of Champaign at Savoy IL, is also a regular blogger. He had heard about this connecting tool and chose to learn more by choosing a workshop led by Kem Meyer. The church's home page now has a list of all staff members' blogs.

I would encourage you to check out these blogs, chat with their authors, and with prayer discern if this is a tool that you should be using. This is not a tool for everyone, but for those it is, it will be an opportunity to make connections.

Toys or Tools?

One of the most popular stores on "Black Friday" of the Christmas shopping season is Best Buy. Another is Circuit City. People start lining up in the evening in front of some of these electronics stores to get the early morning deals beginning at 5:00 the next morning.

What are people buying? DVDs? CDs? Plasma and LCD TVs? Computers and accessories? Electronic games? Receivers and players? Or perhaps people are purchasing entertainment, convenience, distraction and solitariness?

Don't get me wrong. We need recreation. We need time and activities to help us unwind. We also need time alone doing these things; but, is there a point that recreation becomes "wreck-reation"? Is there a point that the choice to be alone is a choice to avoid community?

I have spent many hours alone learning to operate computers, cameras, projectors, and their accessories. I have spent many more hours learning computer programs. Family members have allowed me to often take from the time that I really needed to be present so that I can do this. I am reminded of dedications found in the early pages of books. Many of these are apologetic thank yous to those who gave up their time with the author so that she or he could write the book. This is sometimes necessary, but it cannot become the regular practice of partners in community or the community breaks up.

Computers and the many technologies that they make possible other technologies such as the web, nonlinear editing of video, graphics and other media creation --- all of these in addition to gaming --- can be seductive.

In his book, The Blogging Church, Bailey notes that before a technology is adopted for use by the staff of his church, they all have to answer this question, "At the present time for us, is this a tool or a toy?" If the answer is "toy" they put the technology aside, but not out of mind.

Why?

In their work, as in the work of many who may be reading this blog, they employ tools to  make connections with people. Community.  Tools can be fun to use, but they are not used for self alone. Every person needs a time of solitude, but each person also needs community.

If a pastor stays in the office online most of the time - or is perceived as doing so...  if a pastor or church member plays a video game alone (vs. using it as an activity with others to make connections) late into the night before their responsibilities on Sunday morning... what is the longterm effect on community?  Who is making connections with others?

Web Site Connections

Once a web user finds your web site, is she or he able to make a connection?

Here are a few experiences and reactions that I have had when finding web sites. Some of these involve what is and is not present on the web site's home page, others involve the format of what is on that first page.

When I come upon a site's home page composed mostly of words, with none of those words referring to any person, I get the feeling that I had when I read Kafka's The Trial. I remember the scene of the hallway where voices might be heard through the doors lining the hall, but there was no way to be in touch with a person. There is this sense of disconnect that overwhelms me. I want to shout, "Anybody here?"

What do I find that gives me that sense?  I need words such as a Wikipedia's words about its site and the articles and definitions, but then I am expecting words. I looked for this site for words. However, if I go to a camera company or store's site, I would expect images. If the page does not have the images, my expectations are not met. I do not stay at that site. I look elsewhere.

When I look for church web sites, I expect to find people, what that church is doing in mission and ministry, images, telephone numbers, times of worship, email addresses/links, map to church, greeting from a member and/or pastor (especially in video). This helps me feel welcomed much more than the words "Welcome to Our Site." 

However, I do not always find this. I have found a few church home pages that start with "Our History" or "What We Believe."  Though I may may eventually want to see this, these do not help that church make a connection with me if it is the first page I view. Though a picture of the church building might sometimes help, it alone does not serve this need.  I then hunt through the site looking for substance that will allow me to connect with that church.

Another experience I have is with sites that will not allow me to see all the substance of their home page that will help me to connect until I view a Flash presentation, or a huge image that is used for a background but takes forever to load, or a text and background color/image that makes my eyes hurt trying to read it. The difficulty of waiting or reading trumps the wonderfully inviting pictures and information that would otherwise present a ready invitation to connect.

Looking for ways to help your site better invite me and others to make a connection? There are many ideas and links at the GRR Site under Ministry Technologies. Also, I suggest that you read some articles on Nielson's www.useit.com site.  Get hold of the book, Letting Go of the Words by Ginny Redish.

Including Others in the Conversation

Connections are made with persons when we use language that includes. This is much more than using what has become known as "inclusive language." This term has become a technical one referring to intentionally including both genders in conversation...for example: to not just use a generic "he/him" in writing, but to also include a generic "she/her." Including others does not end with learning the discipline of using "inclusive language."

Intentionally using language that includes is a discipline of choosing words, body language, and silence that communicates invitation to make a connection.

When you and a friend are talking in the foyer or sanctuary before or after worship or other gathering, do you position and posture yourself in such a way that another person might sense an openness to be included? 

As you talk with others are you intentionally avoiding the vocabulary of your calling in law, medicine, industry, technology, or other discipline so as to include others by being understandable to them? Are you listening closely enough to another to learn that person's vocabulary so as to show an interest in the subject and thus the person?

If you are primarily visual or audio or kinesthetic (read about neurolinguistics), do you choose to use a balance of vocabulary so as to include others who are otherwise "wired"?

When nervous, many people keep talking giving little time for the other party(ies) in the conversation(?) to speak. Including others requires us to practice listening as well as talking. For those of us who are extroverts a long silence is uncomfortable, if not painful. So we rush quickly to fill the silence with our words with the unintended result of excluding others.

When you are having a conversation about your faith and/or church with someone who was not raised in the church, are you choosing to avoid "church-ese" - words that people outside the church and/or who have never read the Bible would not understand? (Some have never heard "Jesus Christ" as a person, but only as an expletive.)

If you give a Bible to a grandchild or friend, is it in a language that your grandchild or friend will be able to understand? Though both King James English and today's English are technically English -they are to many different languages.

Does the sound system of your church's sanctuary allow all to be included? Can everyone hear? Do you need to add personal listening devices? Can those with diminishing sight see the baby dedication, baptism, or other up front happenings? Does your church need to start using image magnification?

Do your web site, e-mail, and other printed communications include those who cannot read because of visual impairment or even illiteracy?

There are many other ways to include others.What would these have you do?

This Thanksgiving Day practice your giving thanks to God for others by making a commitment to take steps to include others.

Right Message, Right Method

One of the lessons that my dad taught me was "Never force."  Except for times that I am in the rough with my 9 iron during a round of golf, I usually try to abide by this lesson. He added to this statement "Force a tool and you will break it, or hurt your body (skinned knuckles, for instance), or hurt what you are working on - and in many cases you will hurt all of these. The same goes for how you get along with others. Force another and you will hurt the other(s), yourself, and whoever else.

Use the right wrench. Use the right words. Use the right way to express those words.

According to Scoble and Israel, Naked Conversations, people who work in public relations are often less respected than lawyers. Why? For one thing, "PR people are accused of speaking in an oxymoronic mix of risk-avoidant and hyperbolic language that most people don't trust" (p. 100). Is this a case of using tools in an undisciplined way? Using the wrong tools?  Scoble and Israel recommend publicists take a look at blogging as a tool to help them accomplish their tasks with perceived integrity.

Churches have many communication tools available for their use. Worship bulletins, newsletters, web sites, e-mail, chatrooms, bulletin boards, intranet sites, telephone, letters, direct mail, greeting cards,  blogs, and personal visits (in many different sites).  Choosing the wrong tool attempts to force that tool to do the job of the tool that should be used.  Substituting one tool for another because it is easier often sets up us and others for hurt.

I once read that in the early days of the telephone, using the phone to express condolences to a family upon the death of a loved one was an insult. Such an expression of compassion was expected to be delivered through a personal visit. I once had a church member offer to install a telephone system that would automatically call all home-bound members of the church each week to offer a greeting on behalf of the church. This would be in the form of a recorded message. I declined.

What do you need to communicate? What is the tool that will best serve the persons who need to hear that message so that a connection is made?

Damaging Connections

The 1983 movie The Christmas Story includes a scene that reminds many of us of a painful experience from childhood. When we see the child putting his tongue on the frosty steel we grimace. Talk about a painful connection.

Making connection with people is oftentimes painful. On the internet we refer to being trolled or flamed.  Some with whom we try to make connection apparently find it easier to pull away from us taking as much of that Shakespearean "pound of flesh" as possible. Try as may, there is nothing that we can do to change that. All of us have experienced this throughout our lives. We don't have to get on the internet to experience it even though that last email of this sort almost had us swearing off this type of communication.

Do we give up trying to make new connections because of those who have hurt us in the past? We try to develop a "thicker skin" or start becoming hermits, dropping out of social functions.  Could we do something to better manage ourselves - we cannot control others' behavior! - in a way that we could gain courage to continue trying to make connections?

Knowing that there are people who will refuse being connected, there are others who we sadly perceive this way who are not like this. There are listening skills that can help us to give others every chance to make a connection with us even though they at first come across as contrary, hostile, or belligerent.

John Savage, Listening and Caring Skills in Ministry, describes  several of these  skills. Two of these skills are "coaching your critic" and "fogging."  The first helps me to turn the conversation with the one who is intent upon criticism into my coach. No, the critic may not appreciate it as such, but with this new perspective, I start down the road to discovery rather than the pits. I will gain from this interaction even if no connection is made. The second of these helps to put a psychological/emotional shock absorber between my critic and myself. Please read more about these in the book or contact me for a more detailed step-by-step process of using these skills. 

Different Perceptions about Evangelists

What do you think of "evangelists"? In Christian churches it is at best ambivalence. Some churches perceive these women and men as persons on a pillar. Others understand these as simplistic in message and manipulative in person.

Christians do not own the term "evangelist" though looking up its definition might lead you to think so.  It was used before the first Christian church was founded. A.T. Robertson, in A Grammar of the Greek New Testament in the Light of Historical Research (p. 115), notes that "evangelist/ism"  was one of those commonly used Greek words given a distinct idea. In short, early Christians adopted the word to express what difference they were to make in their world.

Do a Google search on the term "corporate evangelist" and you will quickly get 1,690,000 references. Vinton G. Cerf - pioneering developer of the IP protocol that makes the Internet possible - took the title, "Chief Internet Evangelist" when he took his job at Google.

Corporations do not shy away from the term. Many Christians, and many more persons who Christians try to connect with, do. Try introducing yourself as an evangelist to the person who is in the seat next to yours on that plane flight. What is the reaction - especially if the person is not in the business or tech world? Why?

Evangelism - telling the story - assumes passion. Literally the term means "good news telling."  Cerf has a passion about the Internet and wants to "spread" this news of possibilities and growth. Read The New York Times article and you may see that passion drives this man. If "Gospel" were substituted for "Internet" this article could well describe a Christian evangelist.

I heard Sunday from the Rev. Cheri Grizzard, Associate Pastor of First Baptist Church of Peoria IL, a quote from Joseph Campbell, the American mythologist, the secret of life is to "follow your bliss."  Cerf is doing this, and he is being heard.

There is another factor, for passion alone, often only evokes the thought, "that's nice that you can feel that way."

Cerf can be an evangelist because he can tell the good news of the Internet and his message be heard. He has expertize and experience. He has worked, struggled, fought the battles, and stayed with it. In short, he is perceived as having authority.

Passion, authority, and a voice. But wait, there is more.

In the New York Times online article, there is a hint of what that is. "In addition to his computer networking expertise, Dr. Cerf is well known for his peacemaking skills in a technical community occasionally riven by technical differences." Speaking is not enough. He had to listen as well.

Trying to make connections with people? Whether it is through face to face encounters or with online tools -  passion, authority, your words, and your listening are all necessary for Telling Connections.

Connecting with a New Tool

I ordered and read The Blogging Church (Bailey; Jossey Bass) and Naked Conversations (Scoble and Israel; Wiley) after a conversation with Randy Gauger, the Sr. Pastor of First Baptist Church of Champaign at Savoy IL. I am in his debt as he has further introduced me to a tool of communication on the web that looks like it is coming to a "tipping point" of use by industry and non-profits. A serendipitous conversation with Steve Mechem, Sr. Pastor of Decatur IL First Baptist Church had first helped me to get a vision of how blogging could be used to have a conversation with church members and many more who are not connected with the church. I am also in his debt.

Their counsel (the pastors and the authors they recommended) was to read blogs. I have started.

As I read and discover this method of making connection with you, I have found to be true the observation by Bailey that this writing flows out of a passion. In my case, it is a passion to help others discover God's tools for communication and God's call to use all of these - whether using computers, handsets, or our face-to-face listening and conversational tools - to make and build connections with others.

In coming posts, I will reflect on being more intentional about making connections with others in a way that refuses to treat others as objects, but as ones who have been affirmed in their worth by God and who we also need to affirm and to value. Is this not the ultimate source of meaning in life - to connect with others in ways that reflect and practice the love of God that has been witnessed  in Jesus Christ? To be both connected with God through Jesus AND with others through Jesus' life and work of reconciliation?

How I will come at this is not as a techie, for I am a person who discovered technology after sensing and following the call of God to be a pastor. I will address listening tools for person to person connections as much as I will reflect on tech tools such as blogging for the same purpose. 

I invite you to join the conversation - to make a connection with others, with me, and with God. What do we tell others by how and why we make - or do not make - connections with others?