Telling Connections

Connecting: Make it Your 2009 Goal, Not Just Resolution

As I was perusing the books at a Barnes and Noble store just before Christmas, my eyes caught hold of a book entitled loneliness by John T. Cacioppo and William Patrick; Norton, 2008 (lack of captilization reflects the design of the book cover). To further connect with possible readers the jacket of the book displays a single large black dot in the midst of the ivory background color.  One could mistake this for a bit of dirt or misplaced drop of ink deposited during its production or handling, but a quick look at the spine of the book jacket displays the same black dot.

Having a pastor's heart and always struggling with this state-of-being myself and seeing and hearing it in the lives of others. I quickly picked it up and started paging through the book. Soon I found the following:

"...social isolation has an impact on health comparable to the effect of high blood pressure, lack of exercise, obesity, or smoking" (p. 5).

I bought the book. I found it to be a good read, challenging, insightful, and down-to-earth helpful. My thirst for learning was more than quenched by the brief tours through neurophysiology (reviewing functions of different parts of the brain) and presentation of evolutionary thinking (important to the authors' arguments, but does not have to be swallowed whole to get much personally and professionally out of the book). At no place was I left with only theory without application to my personal and social life.

In the last chapter (p 247 ff), the authors underscored the importance of taking steps to become aware of loneliness and to take steps to use it as a driver toward making connections, building community.

"In 1985, when researchers asked a cross-section of the American people, 'How many confidants do you have?' the most common response to the question was three. In 2004, when researchers asked again, the most common response - made by twenty-five percent of the respondents - was none. One-quarter of these twenty-first century Americans said they had no one at all with whom to talk openly and intimately."

The authors also noted that research is suggesting that those who look to overcome loneliness by making connection online through their computer are ending up with a greater depth of loneliness. Other electronic tools the authors briefly mention include telephone and SimCity technologies.

That's the bad news.  The good news from the authors is that there are those who today "adventitiously address human loneliness in each of the three dimensions - intimate, relational, and collective." Those the authors are crediting with this are Christian churches, specifically the megachurches mentioned of Schuller, Warren, and Osteen. "From education, to dating services, to daycare, to psychological and marital counseling, to basketball tournaments, they provide one-stop shopping for human connection in many different forms" (p. 254). The authors also acknowledge "all the faiths that have large numbers of adherents" (Confucianism, Buddhism, Islam, and Buddhism) have as a key the "human need for connection and social support."

Small churches were not included in the authors' discussion. I would guess that this was precluded by the parameters and focus of the book rather than an inference of the authors that less-than-megachurch churches do not address human loneliness.

Christ's call. Covenant. Vine and branches. For God so loved the world... The Church.

In 2009 how would you become aware of those - in the community in which you live AND in your church - who are not connected, who could be saved by your offering connection through invitation to be part of One and that which that One called into being as His tool for connecting - Christ's Church?

Needed: An Outward Awareness

John P. Kotter in A Sense of Urgency (2008) offers several tactics to build the emotional and mental readiness to get things done. He writes about profit and not-for-profit organizations needing to look beyond themselves to accomplish this. His first tactic is "bring the outside in."

Allow me to list these as Kotter has expressed them then restate them in language of communications as to what churches need to do. The words in bold are Kotter's strategies. The rest are my attempt at re-stating.

1. Listen to customer-interfacing employees. Church leaders and members should get to know well the newest members and youngest Christians who have joined the church - as soon as possible after they join. Too many of us lose our awareness of the "real world" over a short time, opting to live in a Christian "bubble" unconnected with our non-Christian neighbors.
2. Use the Power of Video. No, we can't count on Hollywood to give us an accurate description of the real world,but we can use our own videos - or the videos of those who have "captured" some of the real world. "Person on the Street" videos by Christian parachurch organizations are available. Listen closely to the persons being interviewed - both their words and body language.
3. Don't always shield people from troubling data.  Music styles, languages, and style of dress have changed in the real world. Do we expect to make connections if we only offer people music styles of the middle 20th century (or earlier), use Bible translations in English of 400 years ago, or demand attire that even stores don't sell many of anymore (e.g. men's suites). Shielding people can also take the form of silence. Does the pastor, do small groups, does Sunday School ever present the harsh realities present in all communities (even among church members) such as domestic violence, chemical addiction (including alcoholism), children in poverty, need for parenting skills, divorce...?
4. Redecorate. People are visual, so present pictures and other media that will contain images of needs of the communities your church serves. Put up pictures of your members meeting those needs. Creative presentations that are changed/replaced on a regular schedule are needed - on bulletin boards, newsletters, projection on screen, and web spaces (sites, blogs, etc). 
5. Send people out. This should be a "no-brainer" for the church, but as Kotter has written, success creates an inward focus which kills a sense of urgency (67). Kotter suggests organizations send out "scouts."  Churches ought to have lay people and their pastors intentionally and proactively always be looking for needs in the community so as to communicate these to the whole church.
6. Bring people in. A church could "import" people such as civic leaders to address groups of the church or the church as a whole as to community needs. Invite school administrators to share what volunteers of the church could do with some minimum training (e.g. tutoring program).
7. Bring "data" in, but in the right way. Relevant stories, not statistics. Using the example of what tutoring can do, tell the story of a student - what were that student's realities before and after experience with a committed tutor. Then relate how overall the reading/math/other skill proficiencies increased as a direct result. 

Telling connections are made...opportunities to witness in deed and word.
Telling connections need to focus outwardly to connect.

What Is the Aura of Your Home Page?

What first impression does the home page of your web site generate in others?

Some home pages leave a user warm, others leave a user cold. But, there are other subtle responses that will motivate a person to make a choice whether or not to return to your home page and/or site.

Reactions to your home page will vary according to how a user is "wired."  Does she prefer an intensively visual experience, a kinesthetic (i.e. "touchy-feely") experience, or a straightforward verbal presentation?  Does he expect pictures of people, descriptions of service opportunities, or reports of mission results?

Yet, there are a few reactions that careful planning and choices can avoid:

• This is no different than a sheet of paper in a file folder on my desk. Where's the interactivity?
• This home page looks more like a canned ad from a travel service.
• I feel trapped. There is nothing but words on this page. Very few links to help me escape.
• Wasn't this the same last year?
• This page is too busy, and besides, it takes soooooo long to load.
• This page is messy, no organization.
• How do I get in touch with the organization whose page this is?

Most users do not first encounter your site by going to your home page. They have used search engines and links they have found to go to pages within your site. They may never choose to click on your organization's logo or other navigational button to go there.

Yet, if they do, will your home page add to the value they found in the page they originally visited on your site? Will it be inviting / "sticky" so that the user will bookmark your page (and thus, your site) for future use?

For more ideas, find a copy of Ginny Redish's Letting Go of the Words. Also, use Nielson's site on usability.

Are We "Shorting Out" Our Ability to Connect?

Few of us would be without a good surge protector to lessen the chance of burning out our computers, printers, and related equipment.

However, most of us - including yours truly - do not take the same precautions about what surges of activity are doing to our embedded computers, i.e. our brains. How often do you find yourself typing an e-mail, talking on the phone, and monitoring a video stream at the same time?

We have come to refer to this as multitasking. For many of us, it has become the norm. Gone are the days where just the busiest of managers and homemakers (male and female) do it on a regular basis.

I have another question, "What is my multitasking doing to the connections I am attempting to make with people?"

I have not gotten to the point where I continue to do several things when someone calls and needs to talk, not just ask for information. The only reason that I have not is that those closest to me often call me on this and help me to put the other stuff down for a minute. In their challenge, I find a sobriety of activity that carries over to other conversations.

I am reminded of a term that describes "less-than-good" electrical connections: "shorting out".

Are we "shorting-out" the relationships that we have by not making sure that the connections we have are intentional and focused? If so, the brain will not be the only part of us that gets fried.

I am taking steps to do fewer tasks at once, one step at a time. Join me.

Responding When Someone Reaches Out to You

Have we been programmed by our use of media, especially television and radio?

This question is not to ask about how our values and world views may have been affected by these media, but how our communication practices may have been.

When we consume, we don't have to respond. We watch. We listen. Most of us do not make an effort to engage the actors and other on-air personalities.

Does this carry over to our other communications?

When I "consume" the communications of a friend, colleague, or acquaintance, do I consistently respond? This is the question that I wrestled with during the hour it took me to return to my office after lunch with a friend yesterday. My friend had asked me if I ever received responses from certain offices with whom he and I have attempted to make connection by use of e-mails and phone calls.

Back in the office I looked at the list of e-mails that had arrived during the time I was out. In addition to the spam, I saw one  I had not expected from a friend and colleague in ministry. I opened it. It was a simple "Thank You." It was his response to an e-mail I had sent several colleagues containing attachments about coming events.

The question that my lunch conversation generated became more pressing. This "Thank You" was from one of the busiest colleagues I sent the general e-mail to. Of all those who could have chosen not to respond even with clicking on "reply", typing "Thank You" and clicking on "Send" --- thus taking a few precious moments of his time --- he could have made the best case to not do so. But, he didn't. He responded. He made a deeper connection with me.

Am I asking to receive a "Thank You" to all my general e-mails? No. But I am asking, do we respond to others' reaching out to us --- who are trying to make a connection with us --- as we do television and other media? How do we treat others in their attempts to make connection with us?

Does the rapid pace, the multiple multi-taskings we are ever sacrificing ourselves to, allow us to ignore those who have reached out to us as if their attempt to communicate with us is one of those many impersonal broadcasts we consume each day?

So many responsibilities! So many people! So few hours! So busy! Has this litany - repeated in some way by most of us - been our telling connection to others. That is, do we tell others by our lack of response that we do not want a connection with them?

In other words, are we hear to consume and be consumed or to serve?

Keep Your Site Fresh

"I'd like to 'freshen up' the site." What do you propose?

To keep your church site from becoming too stale, you will be tempted to do some of the following. DON'T!

• Give your o.k. to yourself or other creative person to replace your home page with a splash of Flash.
• Add scrolling headlines.
• Add an animation. (Think about ad with the dancing figure on the weather channel's site, then you won't.)
• Replace your home page with your church history page.
• Cover your home page with images of people - especially children - in your church.
• Import a popular Christian song and set it to play when users open your home page.
• Use vivid colors in a background image for your home page.

Some of the above should not be done because they would slow the download of your home page. Others would frustrate your users' ability to read/scan the content of your home page. Using a popular song without express written permission of the artist and/or label may earn you a "cease and desist" letter from their lawyers.

Here is a better way: Return to the basics. In her column "Build a Better Web Site" (PC Magazine, November 6, 2007; p. 110) Vicki B. Jacobson lists 6 strategies to better, or we might say, "refresh," your site including your home page. Find her short article and identify which of these you first need to work on.

• Define your goals
• Identify your audience
• Develop a project plan
• Design and develop
• Make pages usable
• Define success

I would also recommend Nielson's site on usability and Jenny Redish's book Letting Go of the Words as great resources to help you freshen up your site.

Serving Those Who Choose Not to Connect to Web

A pastor told me the story about his encounter with a person who asked him if he could make his blog posts available to those without computers. "I do not have a computer. I am not going to get a computer. But, I have heard that your writing is something that I should read."

This question puts a spotlight on an issue of service. Most of the members of our churches have computers. Most of our members regularly view their e-mail (though 95% of it in 2007 has been spam).

Most, not all.

Even if a family has a computer, that family may have it because of the needs of the children, work, or membership in an organization. I know of several whose careers mandate the use of computers everyday. One way these persons have chosen to enforce the boundary between work and family time, is not to use a computer at home - even though other members of the family do.

There are many people who choose to use other tools. One person shared with me, "If you want to get hold of me, your best bet is to use the phone. I read my e-mail about once a week, if that." This person is not alone.

The easiest strategy is to employ just one or two tools of communication to connect with people of the church. However, this misses many people. This is another case of the "either-or's."  It would be easiest for me to rationalize, "She has chosen not to use the medium that I connect with, therefore, she has chosen not to connect. That's her choice." Easiest, but is this the attitude of Christ?

Connecting with people requires each of us to first look to the needs of others rather than ourselves. Remember the Apostle Paul's words to the Philippians (2:1-12)?  If the person has an interest in learning or has already chosen to use a communication medium that you prefer then you can serve by using that medium. But, if that person has chosen another medium, also use that medium that he or she has chosen.

My suggestion to the pastor who was asked to make available the content of his blog to those without computers: Design an attractive header, then copy and paste each blog post under the header, print it out and place each on the church literature rack.

Do an inventory of the communication strategies you are using. Are those who want to make connection with you able to?

Guard Your Domain Name

Do not let the registration of your domain name expire! Guard this name - the address that finds your site. Don't let the registration for www.yourchurch.org - run out. If it does, you probably will never get that special name back again!

Our web team keeps posted on the ABC/GRR web site a list of all churches in the Region with active web sites. From time to time I go through the list looking to see what churches are doing.

The first time I reviewed this list after setting it up, I found one church's web address lead me to a site that was not theirs at all. I checked to make sure that I had entered the address correctly. I had. What was more distressing is that the content of the site was what most of us would call raunchy, even pornographic. But, the address was the one that spelled out the church's name.

How would you react if you were looking for a church and entered or "Googled" what seemed to be a legitimate church name and found such material? How would you feel if you had heard that your church had a web site and you thought you'd take a look?

When I checked on this - after deleting this address from the list - I found out what had happened. Someone in the church had been given the responsibility of setting up and maintaining the new web site. No team was developed. After a couple of years, that person who was "doing the web site" moved away.

• The web site became grossly out of date.
• The web site stayed, unchanged, but not forever - only until its address' registration ran out.
• Then another company purchased the address' registration and changed the material at that address.

This often happens when only one person is responsible for a site; however, even when a team is responsible, if the church allows their ownership of their address' registration to run out that name is most likely gone. Even if one person or a group is keeping the site up to day, but no one renews the registration of the address, the church will end up losing its chosen web address.

Losing the address does not always lead to such an embarrassing situation;however, losing your original address is always at least very inconvenient. It means having to come up with another domain (address) that isn't being used, registering it with a reputable domain registration company, and putting out notices to your church, community, and world that your address has changed.

Complicating all of this is that your original name will still be used, but by someone else. This is especially true because of what has become known as "domain farming." There are people who have started businesses and make a profit from gathering up those addresses (domain names) whose registrations have not been renewed by their original owners.

These domain farmers register these domains in their own names. They keep the name active with a site composed of any material they wish hoping that the original owners will pay more to them to get it back.

If you are a church and this happens to you:

• You probably will not get this original name back.
• Grieve it. Put it behind you. Go on.
• Then compose and register another name.
• Publicize this change.
• KEEP THE NEW DOMAIN (ADDRESS) REGISTRATION UP TO DATE.

Make Your Site More than a Brochure

Connecting is more than viewing; it is conversing.

There are basically 2 ways that you can use your web site to connect.

• Keep it up-to-date - implicitly interactive.
• Make it explicitly interactive.

Keeping it up-to-date gives a perception that you are interacting with others because you in a similar time frame as they are.

• Post notices of what is coming up this week - You are interacting with users' need for information.
• Post reports with images and video of what has happened - You are offering experiences that people interact with as they review what has happened and offering others' perspectives of these events.
• Post reports about weather-caused needs and what your church is doing about them. - You offer the opportunity for others to serve, to interact, to connect.

Include interactive opportunities on your site.

• Include links to related and extended information from other sites that is relevant to what you are posting. Paradoxically this will keep your users coming back to your site - for more links like this. Your site is now perceived as a "portal" through which your users can access more of what they want. This is the strength of the internet.
• Include links to related material on your own site, too.
• Include quizzes, surveys, crosswords, interactive calendars (with links), registration forms, blogs, forums, bulletin boards. (These do not require a great deal of coding knowledge. Ready-to-go examples and templates are available for free either from your web host or from reputable distributors on the net.)

The end result of your work is that more people will use your site more often. When this happens, more people through word of mouth start to be introduced to your church.

Who Is Your Audience?

Your church has "put up" a web site. Who is it for?

Let's review the "usual suspects."

• Active Church Members
• In-active Church Members
• Church Web Team
• Pastor
• Influential Church Member
• Community
• People looking for a church in your community
• People looking for help with life's struggles
• Persons looking for a portal to faith issues discussed on the web
• Others. You name them, but name them by what they are looking for.

Notice how wide and how specific this list can be?

When professional designers and writers develop a web site's material, they develop a personna of a person of their targeted audience. Some teams even take a picture of a person and put it up in a place of the common work area for all to see. This underscores the need to develop material that not only communicates with but also presents material that this person and people like her need.

Let's say you have discerned that your target is a person who is new to the community, may be searching for meaning and community in life for herself and her family. What are some ideas for material that your web site should feature?

• Church history?
• Athletic Schedule?
• FAQ's on Faith and Life?
• Links to family ministries?
• A column by a member or staff member on Faith and Family?
• Calendar of Activities?
• E-mail and telephone contacts?
• Map to the church with times when the church is open?
• Listing of small group activities?
• Service and Mission opportunities?
• What we believe in a creed-like listing of "-ologies"?
• Links to a blog about life's struggles and faith's role?
• A description of what to expect when coming to and participating in a service for the first time?
• Church activities for family?

Add to this list, but put a question mark after each idea.

Now look at this person. Review this person's characteristics and life situation. Then choose those ideas from your list that are most appropriate. Drop the rest. Then either make this the home page of the entire site, or the home page of a well-designated section of the main site.